I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
