You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
