Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
