When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize