I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
