i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize