my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
