I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
