do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
