Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
