would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
