somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
