new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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