lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
