if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
