He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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