Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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