It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
