I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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