you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
