Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
