she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize