sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
