The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
