Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
