SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Someone signed my nipple.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
