I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
