i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
