we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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