Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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