I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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