My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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