Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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