yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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