we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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