I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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