God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Randomize
