I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
