I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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