she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize