considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
