I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
