they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it because I queefed?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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