i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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