i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
