Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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