there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
