The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
