Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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