So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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