I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
