there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
