glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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