He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
