do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
