Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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