Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
