3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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