New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
