My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
