Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
