I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
