even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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