I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
